Contentment

Decisions were something that she had never been good at. Certainty was a scary road, one that was hard to turn back on. She avoided it in any way that she could. So when she got married, everyone was eager to know whom it was that finally convinced her. He was a handsome man and he adored her completely. They only dated for a short while before he asked her to marry him and she agreed. Being proposed to was not something that she had regularly encountered and saying ‘yes’ seemed to be the thing to do. She really did love him, but she felt like he loved her more.

The wedding wasn’t a big event; both of the families were there and several close friends. She wore a pretty dress; the lace sleeves showed off her tan skin and her long hair was curled to delicately frame her face. He smiled the entire time, so much that she thought his cheeks would burst. After a long string of ‘goodbyes’, ‘well wishes’, and ‘congratulations’, they finally departed for their honeymoon. He had planned a romantic trip at a mountain resort, since they got married in the fall. She loved that idea, since they both loved the fall and winter. The trip was decorated with yellows and reds; he talked endlessly about how excited he was. She nodded occasionally and smiled in response.

They stayed there for about two weeks, exploring the mountains in the daytime, making love at night. Despite the fact that he was considerably older, he tried his best to keep up with her youthful libido. She did appreciate that, his dedication to making her happy was one of his most admirable qualities. She always tried her best to make sure he knew that. After the honeymoon was over, they moved into their home together. The house was simple, just enough rooms to give them space when needed. She bought furniture, candles, pictures, all kinds of things to make their house seem homey. She’d get up in the morning, make breakfast, and take him to work, then go home and start laundry. Cleaning the house from top to bottom only took up about three hours of her time, then she was left to walk about the house in indifference. She’d go and get him from work and then make him dinner.

Bedtime seemed to be the most awkward time for them as a married couple. It was easy for him to satisfy her on their honeymoon, but the longer time went on in their marriage, the less he was able to give her what she needed. Sex wasn’t the only important thing to her in regards to their relationship, but it was one of the most important. As far as similar interests went, they had few. She mostly humored him whenever he wanted to show her the newest development in his favorite video games. She could care less about that stuff, she was more of a writer, but she had always been too shy to show him any of her work. She just tried her best to laugh at his jokes and act like she understood his thoughts. He did love her very much, though most of the time, she didn’t understand why.

Five years had gone by since they were married and her patience with the decision she made was dwindling. His jokes were no longer able to warrant even a fake laugh from her; she had stopped nodding along to his conversations. She made dinner as quickly as she could and then went to bed, not expecting anything else. He had obviously picked up on the distant behavior, but didn’t know what to do to fix it. His only response was to bring her flowers and tell her that he loved her every day.

One day while she was busy cleaning the house, she heard her phone ding. She checked it and saw that she had a new message. It was from one of her old boyfriends asking to meet up and talk. She knew that he knew that she was married, it definitely wasn’t old news anymore. She didn’t want to assume that it was that kind of message, but she couldn’t help but feel weird about it. Some part of her though wanted to message back immediately and meet up, but all she did was put her phone down and go back to cleaning. However, as she swept the floor, she remembered how happy she felt in that previous relationship. He genuinely made her laugh, he was strong, and almost insatiable. He was the popular guy who always knew the right thing to say. She suffered from seven months of butterflies in the stomach. It only ended when he broke up with her when he decided he would move away. She suddenly felt boring and unimportant. Nobody spotted her on the sidewalk anymore since she was no longer affiliated with him. It wasn’t long after that that she met her husband.

Before she knew it, the phone was in her hand and she was typing:

-Hi, it’s good to hear from you. How have you been?

She put the phone down and waited. It dinged quickly afterward:

-I’ve been great! I heard you got married and so I was just wanting to check in and see how you were.

-I’ve been good; it’s been awhile since we actually got married. So life is just…routine now really.

She felt bad for describing their life like that, more so because it wouldn’t really impress him as much as she wanted.

-Well that’s good to hear. I know you always wanted a simple life. You were always a bit of a homebody lol.

She cringed when she read that. Simple? Homebody? She knew that she had always been withdrawn and boring, but she always thought she had been different with him. She was about to reply when she noticed that he had sent another message.

-You know, I ended up getting into the school I wanted, and now I’m in the middle of my career. You know, the one I moved away for?

Yea, she remembered. He had wanted to be a lawyer and go to one of those fancy law schools. He had explained that he couldn’t do that and carry a relationship along too. ‘Carry a relationship’; as if the actual act of being with her was such a chore that he would rather leave her behind. Her fingers started to go across the keyboard.

-Well I’m happy that that all worked out for you. I was kind of sad for a while after you left.

-It wasn’t that big of a deal, at least that’s what I thought. We weren’t that serious.

She almost dropped her phone; of course it had been serious! They were together for seven months and during that time she felt like she was someone. She always thought that she made him happy.

-Even so, I still missed you when you left.

It was several minutes before he replied and while she was waiting, she kept going over those seven months in her head. How many times did he actually laugh? Smile? Kiss her deeply? She almost jumped when her phone dinged.

-Well either way, it seemed to work out well for you. If it weren’t for me moving away, you would’ve never met your husband.

-I always thought you would have been my husband.

The words were typed out and sent before she could even second-guess herself.

-I don’t think I would have ever made you happy though. I’ve thought about this too and I don’t think that I ever loved you enough, not like you did me.

Deep down inside, she knew he was telling the truth. He had never done the things that her husband did for her. He never told her he loved her every day, never got her flowers, and never did his best to make her smile. She just also never expected it because she already thought she had everything she needed. What she had needed was real love, someone who genuinely wanted her. Her phone dinged again.

-I think you’ve found a guy who truly loves you. Let him do that. It didn’t work out between us because it wasn’t meant to. Now, we’re both happy. At least, I know I am.

She smiled, for what seemed to be the first time in months. She also felt ashamed and selfish for not realizing what a great thing it was that she had. It didn’t matter that her husband wasn’t a “dream man”. He loved her truly and deeply and that was all she needed. The sound of keys jingling in the front door brought her back to reality; she quickly messaged back “thank you”, and then rushed to the door. She arrived just as he was walking in.

“Hello darling.” The look on his face was uncertain, wondering how she would respond.

“Hello honey, how was your day today?” she replied, smiling and kissing him on the cheek, something out of the ordinary for her.

He certainly looked taken aback by her behavior, but then quickly smiled just like he had on their wedding day. “It was great, I can’t wait to tell you all about it.”

“I can’t wait to hear all about it.” She grabbed his hand and then led him to the couch.

They talked all the rest of the evening, even through dinnertime.

#love #textmessag #marriage #infideli